In honor of the historic rise of Barack Obama, here are the rules of being mixed-race in America (specifically black and white)....
1) Be prepared for the inevitable question, "What are you?" "Human" or "American" apparently doesn't fly for your inquisitors. If you're from a single-parent household, like many of us are, you lacked input from one of the racial influences. Don't worry. Watch TV and act like you're down.
2) Be ready to demonstrate your athletic skills, specifically, your ability to play basketball.
3) Listen for comments like, "You've got the best of both worlds: Brains and you can play sports!"
4) In high school, your in with girls, specifically white girls, is: "Can I touch your hair?"
5) Learn Spanish as your prepubescent oily, yellow skin featuring a confused mustache will prompt assumptions that you speak the language (be prepared for the disgust on the speaker's face when you raise your arms as a sign that you don't understand).
6) When you're in a low-income neighborhood, say something "hood" to prove you're not 5-0. Son.
7) Be careful while you're reading Roots as a teenager. Your white parent will carry the brunt of your resentment against "whitey".
8) If you like to use the "n" word, make sure you can back it up. My motto is, "If you've been called a nigg*r, you can use the word." Use at your discretion.
9) Finally, don't say anything too aggressively, look good and bridge the gap. Others will shatter against you, the (Ba)rock that you are...
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